Because when I was 15 yrs old I was very very stupid and believed my boyfriend at the time that I wasnt pregnant even though my body kept telling me I was...
I was 5 months pregnant when I got the abortion and ever since then I have felt very guilty and depressed for having my baby killed...
Right after I had the abortion I thought that if it would pretty if I cut my wrists, laid on my bed flat on my back and spread my arms out so my blood would make butterfly wings as I died. I had to fight the urge to stick a knife in my belly... I was very stupid then...
I still dont really like knives because Im afraid that I might want to stick it in my belly like back then. If I can I will ask my mom to chop things up for me.
When my Master put to Exacto knife to his tongue it really freaked me out and brought back all of those bad memories.
Even though Im afraid of knives I trust my Master. If he is in to knife play I will let him do it as long as he is the one with the knife and not me...
Oh god I sound so stupid now...
Trusting my life with another person but not trusting myself with my own life
My journal, thoughts, experiences, and advice while in the lifestyle of BDSM. I'm highly opinionated and cynical. I'm not afraid to speak my own mind.
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