Missed Call...

I was busy and missed two calls from my Master. Hope he calls again soon. Also hope he understands that I wont leave him unless he tells me that he doesnt want me any more.

I understand he is too busy for me and I cant rely on him so I must be happy with relying on myself.

~~~

This is why I love the Sakuma true route in Hadaka Shitsuji.... Just change the word butler with slave and thats me <3

Barriers...

Submission takes a lot out of a person. Whether its the Master that breaks down the slave's emotional barriers, or if the sub does it herself; if there isnt balance in the slave's life it will cause her emotions to go on a roller-coaster. Its the Master's job to make sure that everything is balanced, or it can really mess up her mind and mess with her moods.

If I have to keep myself stable than I will, but as a word of caution its creating an emotional barrier. I rather not be in control but if I must than I must. I will not stand for feeling horrible. No more tears.

Still not sure what I want to do but Im willing to ride this out until the train crashes. Going out in a big fire ball of death sounds pretty awesome, even if it kills me.

Dropping Hard...

I feel horrible...

Havent talked to my Master in a few weeks. I tell him things but he doesnt reply...

When he allowed me to see him a few days ago it didnt help at all...

It made me feel like I was looking at something I could never have...

I keep telling him I hate feeling alone but this keeps happening...

I hate this feeling I have but its feels like we are over...

Im too emotional to talk to him now...

Contemplating...

I feel like me and my Master are at a point where nothing else is gonna happen until we are able to be together...

I came up with the idea last night that if we arent together in a set period of time then Im to be released. Though I dont really want it. I promised him I would be patient and Im super depressed that I still havent found a job no matter how many applications I put in. I just want to be with my Master.

Yes I do think of wonderful things that sound great but I never do them because I much prefer being told what to do...

Thats one of the reasons I failed at selling Mary Kay...

Being my own boss and owning my own business just doesnt work for me...

I love to be completely and utterly controlled...

Really wish my Master would take more control over me. I have given him many opportunities but he never took advantage. I just hope he is different in person. If he lets me free to do whatever I will not be happy...

Gotta remember my Master told me to be patient and he is the one that wanted to get back with me so he does want me. I also highly doubt I could find anybody else that understands my body as well as he does. Never had a man ever be able to tell when Im cumming just by the sound...

Also his voice... <3

Yes I have a voice fetish. If he didnt sound like what he does I would not be as willing to give complete control of myself to him...

~~~

The closest sounding guy (besides Top) is V from BTS...

This so reminds me of my Master when he talks <3

Breathe...

Besides the whole period thing I hate these emotional roller coasters...


Promise myself I wont chew out my Master for not paying attention to me even though I have repeatedly and specifically told him that I hate feeling alone and ignored...

If I ever happen to find out that he really isnt busy with work and family... He better be glad we arent living together...

I used to be a very angry person when I was younger but I have found that its easier to just let fate take care of things... Plus fate does a much better job at causing others agony than I ever can. My ex happened to tell me that after we broke up his first child was still born and the ass hole of his brother that tried to break my door down and rape me died from cancer.

Though if people ever mess with my feelings they better wish they were dead...

I remember when I used to terrorize my brother and he would be so scared of me. I like to think that I helped shaped him into the fearless badass that he is today

Aigoo...

I have been reading my book about Korea and Im on the history part. What I found the most interesting is that no matter how many invasions, Japan trying to remove anything Korean, and times of poor economy; they kept moving forward and never gave up...

History was my least favorite thing to learn about because it is just a reminder of how stupid and greedy people can get. If you go after something out of your means you will lose. Be happy with what you have and know that the grass is only greener on the other side because it has been painted to look that way...


~~~~

This show is torture to watch because of all the yummy foods that Im unable to eat...

I want some eel sooo bad. It looks so good

http://www.viki.com/videos/1028415v-lets-eat-episode-7?origin=autoplay

Worried...

At my Master...

He is having eye pain, headaches, and sensitivity to light...


I have been known to worry a lot...

Even my ex wouldnt tell me if he was sick because he knew that I would be worried to death...

I just hope that whatever is causing him pain isnt serious like a brain tumor...

I would be lost without him...

Even that month without him I was miserable...