A few things I need to work on...
1. Forgetting what I wanted to say when my Master messages me - I dont know what it is but usually when he messages I get super happy and forget everything else but him.
2. Also adding to forgetting what to say I sometimes want to tell him everything. - I mean everything, like the time in 1st grade when I was getting picked on for wearing for glasses so I lost them on purpose so I wouldnt have to wear them for a while. To things like all the different Korean stuff I learned. And what foods tend to make my stomach hurt...
3. Feeling like I need to hold my tongue. - Goes along with telling him everything...
4. Unsure how to respond. - Despite popular believe I actually sometimes I trouble forming what to say because I have a zillion things going on in my head.
5. Taking a few days to form my thoughts. - I like to thinks things out before I respond. Like with this post...
Probably even some of the coldness has to do with the many years of working in customer service. People would tend to yell at me complaining about people that I worked with. I had to learn to act calm and not take it personal so I wouldnt get angry at the costumer.
After learning that I was really a slave and wanted to serve one man its like my emotions are in over drive. I used to never but now I cry almost one a day. Happy tears and sad tears, though more happy tears than sad because Im happy with my Master. Like right now I have been crying almost the whole time writing this.
Opening your heart and giving your soul to another person has left me feeling happy and free but also feeling more vulnerable. Putting your life in another person's hands takes a lot of trust and love. It hurts a lot that I am not fully his yet.
Also most of my life I have felt like I didnt belong and was an outsider. So finally the feeling of belonging is very new to me. Im still learning and adjusting to this feeling. Im different than other people because I have always been very shy and always asking others what they wanted me to do. I have always felt that unless I knew everything then I should ask others what to do. (Probably this is the main reason I love my Master because he is so smart)
I have only just learned about being a slave not too long before I met my Master. I have known about BDSM almost all my life but I thought it was mostly just tying up somebody using them. I am so grateful for that BDSM & Anime panel I went to or else I would have never found out about fetlife. Without fetlife I would have never found my Master <3 This is the reason i still have the booklet, ID, and schedule from a year ago. He means that much to me <3
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