List of Non-Fiction Informational BDSM Books

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This a list of classic and popular books on various BDSM topics. I even added the Amazon quick links for easier use.

General BDSM

* Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex; by Gloria G. Brame

*  Consensual Sadomasochism: How To Talk About It and Do It Safely; by William A. Henkin, PhD. & Sybil Holliday

* Different Loving; by Gloria Brame, Job Jacobs, & Jon Brame

* Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/m Lovemaking; by Race Bannon

* The New Bottoming Book; by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy (or Liszt)

* The New Topping Book ;by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy (or Liszt)

* Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns; by Philip Miller & Molly Devon

* Sensuous Magic; by Pat Califia

* SM 101; by Jay Wiseman

* As Kinky as You Wanna Be: Your Guide to Safe, Sane and Smart BDSM; by Shanna Germain

* BDSM Mastery - Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols; by Robert J. Rubel Ph.D. & M. Jen Fairfield

Dominance and Submission

* Becoming a Slave; by Jack Rinella

* Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus; by Christina Abernathy

* The Loving Dominant; by John Warren

* The Mistress Manual: the Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance; by Mistress Lorelei

* Partners in Power; by Jack Rinella

* The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners; by Lady Green

* How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive; by Kate Kinsey

* Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices; by Robert J. Rubel Ph.D. & M Jen Fairfield

* BDSM Mastery-Relationships:: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives; by Robert J. Rubel Ph.D. & M. Jen Fairfield

Impact Play

* The Compleat Spanker; by Lady Green

* Flogging; by Joseph Bean

* Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning; by Janet Hardy

* Hot Crossed Buns: A Beginner's Guide To Spanking; by Tasha Lee

Bondage

* Erotic Bondage Handbook; by Jay Wiseman 

* Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage; by Lee Bridgett Harrington

* Back on the Ropes; by Two Knotty Boys (kindel only)

* The Beauty of Kinbaku; by Master "K"

Poly

* The Ethical Slut; by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (or Liszt)

* More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory; by & Franklin Veaux Eve Rickert

Miscellaneous

* Anal Pleasure and Health: Guide for Men, Women and Couples; by Dr. Jack Morin 

* The Family Jewels; by Hardy Haberman

* A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting; by Deborah Addington

* LeatherFolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice; by Mark Thompson

* Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women; by Tristan Taormina

* When Someone you Love is Kinky; by Dossie Easton and Catherine Lizst

* Play Piercing; by Deborah Addington

* The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies; by Jay Wiseman

* Branding 277 Success Secrets: 277 Most Asked Questions On Branding - What You Need To Know; by Tammy Levine

* Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers; by Charles Moser

* Leather and Latex Care: How to Keep Your Leather and Latex Looking Great; by Kelly J. Thibault

* Beneath the Skins: The New Spirit and Politics of the Kink Community; by Ivo Dominguez Jr.

* The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play; by Spectrum

* The Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps; by Jack Rinella

* The Toybag Guide to Medical Play; by Tempest

* The Toybag Guide to Foot and Shoe Worship; by Midori

*** Bonus ***

A fictional book I highly recommend also reading is Story of O by Anne Desclos

Be Cautious With On-line BDSM

Photo credit: Death to Stock

I have seen this issue in other online groups so I will also bring it up here. Hopefully I provide some helpful tips to prevent anybody from being hurt by online Doms/subs.

With the addition of the internet it makes it easier for predators and abusers to contact people in this lifestyle and use them (not in a good way). Doms and subs can hide behind their keyboard pretending to be an expert; while all they are, are fakes.

Please be wary when talking to anybody you don't know. Don't give out personal info. Also I would recommend to have your Facebook profile set to private or else create a cover account (fake name and picture with no other info filled in) that is used for any BDSM groups/actives.  If you happen to get any friend requests or messages from people in the groups your are in; be polite but decline if they ask for any of your info. Even if the person asking for your info happens to be an admin of the group(s) you are a member of. They have no right to know anything about you.

Being in a BDSM Relationship Doesn't Automatically Mean You Have to Be Poly

Advice to live by.

I hate seeing a Dom that wants to be poly but the sub doesn't want it. The sub tries talking to their Dom about it but their Dom doesn't listen. Fuck that shit if my Dom doesn't listen me I tell them bye bye, fuck you I can find somebody that will listen to me. I'm way too jealous to be poly. I would probably end up hurting the other person. I had one Dom try to force me into a poly relationship. I kept telling him no, unless he wanted me to leave because I see it as not needing me. It makes me feel useless and unwanted. What is mine is mine and if anybody touches him I will fuck them up. Some people can do poly and that's fine, but it's not for me.

Being in a poly relationship is one of the things that should be talked about before entering into a BDSM relationship. Many people that are part of the lifestyle are in a poly relationship but not everybody is. For every poly relationship I know of, I can think of two monogamous relationships. This might vary because I don't hang around that many poly people. Seeing how it works fantasizes me though. It's super complex and isn't for everybody. A lot of the times, turning a monogamous relationship into poly can break the relationship. It takes a lot of work. Also it seems in order to have a good poly relationship everybody has to have very open communication and nobody must be loved more than others or else it creates friction.

Its true that poly is part of BDSM. However; its not right to think that every BDSM relationship is poly and that everybody in BDSM wants a poly relationship. If your partner doesn't respect your thoughts and stance on having a poly relationship then its a sign that you need to rethink about being with your partner.


 

Receiving Hate While in the Lifestyle

The Clique (2008)

I have noticed that while in this lifestyle; there seems to be more hate from others also in this lifestyle than vanillas.

Everybody in this lifestyle knows the saying You're Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK) but very few seem to practice it. They understand how things work but they are extremely judgmental of others in this lifestyle that act or think differently.

Some people think that BDSM is black and white. You are either A, so you don't do B and therefore you must do C and E. Or else; you are B, so you don't do A and therefore you must do D and F. If you aren't that person's ideal, then you are wrong. If you don't think how they think and do what they do; then you are not welcome and labeled as an outcast.

A lot of things in BDSM have no clear definition or way to do things. People can do things differently while still keeping in mind any risks. Just because they are doing things differently doesn't make them wrong. They are doing what works best for them.

We get judged enough from vanillas; so we should understand the need to keep an open mind. As long as a person is happy and they aren't doing anything deeply detrimentally to their health and well being then there shouldn't be an issue.

Submissive with Asperger's Syndrome or a Brat?

Embrace it All

A few days ago I was in a group and I just happened to share that I was extremely happy to share a fantasy I have been having with my Daddy. A few people in the group go on my case telling me that a submissive doesn't act like that and if they do they are a brat and being a brat is the worst thing ever.

Because of me being an aspie, I have tons of thoughts in my head and I love being able to share them without being laughed at or ignored. Being ignored is one of the worst feelings an aspie can ever have. I had a Master that would laugh or else not pay attention when I wanted to share my ideas and fantasies. It crushed me and I was not happy. I left worthless. I had an idea that I thought would add to the relationship but it was ignored. I'm 100% happy now that I found somebody that is willing to let me speak and share my thoughts with; while knowing that I'm not trying to top from the bottom. I don't act out for attention. I just want to feel like I matter.

It might take a while to even know if you are an aspie. I just realized it not too long long. I linked it with my singular obsession, being awkward with people, and the fact that in elementary school teachers thought I had autism because I never made any friends or even talked to other kids.

Aspie subs may, at first, seem extremely bratty but they really aren't. They want to do everything possible for their Dom. They just act differently.

For more in-depth information about BDSM and  Asperger's Syndrome because check out these awesome fetlife groups:
* Aspies & Auties, run by Aspies & Auties
* Aspie Girls
* Autism and Asperger Information Exchange

Education First - BDSM Later

Photo credit: Death to Stock

I'm so sick and tired of seeing the types of Dom/mes that think they already know everything and are unwilling to learn. But what irritates me the most is the subs that belong to those type of Dom/mes. These subs are just promoting a very dangerous environment for themselves and possible future subs.

I see D/s as similar to driving a car. Where the Dom/me is the driver and the sub is the car. A person cant just say I want to drive that car right there. If this happens there is an extremely high chance of causing major damage to the car; even to the point that the car can no longer be used anymore. They may even cause major injures to themselves because they didn't know how to drive the car. Other people first teach the person how to drive, care, and operate the car. Different cars require different care and are driven differently.

I don't see how Dom/mes can get away without learning about how to be a good Dom/me first...

There are tons of places to learn about BDSM from. The internet, books, local events, and other people. People that only state that they learned at BDSM from porn is a huge no no and a major get the fuck away from the person flag. BDSM in porn is an extremely inaccurate representation of what BDSM is about and how to conduct it.

For convenience; books are the best way to start out learning about BDSM. Not everybody knows of any local groups, or munches; as a way to learn about BDSM.  For those that are reasonable and responsible; here is a short list of a few educational BDSM books to get you started off:

* The Control Book
* SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
* The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge
* The Loving Dominant
* The New Bottoming Book
* The New Topping Book

A Wake Up Call For Submissives

Safe In His Arms

Nothing pisses me off more than when I seem some poor helpless submissive crying and hurt because their Dom is too busy, or whatever, to take care of their sub.

A Dom's most treasured possession should their sub. Without their sub, the Dom is just an ordinary person. If a Dom doesn't step up to the plate and take care of their submissive; its a huge red flag. That is not a good Dom to be with.

True some Dom's may have a reason for not being able to do anything, like work, but they should at least send a quick text, or something, letting their sub know that they are busy and will take care of them as soon as possible. A Dom telling their sub that is 100% better than just ignoring the situation.

Ignoring the situation can cause the sub to have many different feelings. There can be feelings of loneliness, abandonment, depression, worthlessness, and maybe even cause sub drop. I will explain sub drop in a future post; but its one of the worst feelings a sub can ever get.

Please subs. If your Dom doesn't care if you are sick, hurting, and need to feel safe in your Dom's arms. Then you need tell them how horrible it makes you feel. If the Dom still doesn't care enough to do anything. Then walk away, as far and as fast as possible. It will be better to start over instead of staying with a Dom that makes you feel worthless when you need them the most.

The Dom is equal to the sun in the mind of a sub. Their reason for life. Without their sun, they will wither and die.