First Snow...

Today is the first snow of the season. I had to go out and buy some things for tomorrow so I couldnt stay inside. Since I dont have anything but slippers, dress shoes, and running shoes; I had to borrow my dad's size 13 huge yellow rubber boots. They are hard for me to walk in because they are so big but they kept my feet dry and warm...

I did get a lot of looks from people in the grocery store because the boots made me walk funny. The way I have to walk in those boots kinda reminded of using the Stair Master machine when I used to go to the gym. I hated the Stair Master so much; loved the elliptical soooo much though.

I did make sure I was warm enough. In Fact when I was walking back home, my glasses where fogging up and I was burning hot.

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I havent heard anything from Master yet. I wish I didnt miss his calls a few days ago :(

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This is also the picture of the light bulb when I was trying to change it earlier today. Never had a light bulb that the glass part separated from the metal part before

Really...

The light bulb in the lamp in the living blew and I tried changing it but I cant get the bulb to turn at all. I told my dad about it and he was like well keep trying, he didnt even offer to help. I have told my parents that this rain is making my body feel like I was ran over by a train. Moving makes me be in even more pain.

I dont even know why I even tried asking him for help

Just Realized...

Both my dad and my brother both pass out when they see blood, needles, and generally doesnt like doctors and hospitals. My brother threw up when the doctor sawed off his cast when he broke his arm. He also passed out when our mom got out of surgery a few years ago. My dad never helped any of us kids when we got hurt bad. I remember our mom was the one to always clean and dress any wounds we got.

Maybe this whole I hate seeing blood and needles is either a learned behavior or else its something in the genes.

Im ok..

Yes call me even more stupid than normal but I totally texted my best friend before I felt my house just to make sure I wouldnt get beat down and mugged because Im white...

I heard of the riots and stuff because of the Ferguson thing... I just wanted to make sure

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Saw this on the stall door of the bathroom in the library near me. The bathroom floor was a little flooded and it automatically made me think of Moaning Myrtle...

I was hoping to find to ghost there and I would ask it if it needed help...

Its kinda hard to see the writing but it says: No one is eva saf here (no one is ever safe here) - yes the lack of spelling did get to me but Im just glad that the correct here was used...

Kinda funny too because when I usually take pics I use my cell but today I thought Im gonna take my camera...

If I didnt bring my camera I highly doubt that even the scratches would be visible in the pic

Missed Call...

I was busy and missed two calls from my Master. Hope he calls again soon. Also hope he understands that I wont leave him unless he tells me that he doesnt want me any more.

I understand he is too busy for me and I cant rely on him so I must be happy with relying on myself.

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This is why I love the Sakuma true route in Hadaka Shitsuji.... Just change the word butler with slave and thats me <3

Barriers...

Submission takes a lot out of a person. Whether its the Master that breaks down the slave's emotional barriers, or if the sub does it herself; if there isnt balance in the slave's life it will cause her emotions to go on a roller-coaster. Its the Master's job to make sure that everything is balanced, or it can really mess up her mind and mess with her moods.

If I have to keep myself stable than I will, but as a word of caution its creating an emotional barrier. I rather not be in control but if I must than I must. I will not stand for feeling horrible. No more tears.

Still not sure what I want to do but Im willing to ride this out until the train crashes. Going out in a big fire ball of death sounds pretty awesome, even if it kills me.

Dropping Hard...

I feel horrible...

Havent talked to my Master in a few weeks. I tell him things but he doesnt reply...

When he allowed me to see him a few days ago it didnt help at all...

It made me feel like I was looking at something I could never have...

I keep telling him I hate feeling alone but this keeps happening...

I hate this feeling I have but its feels like we are over...

Im too emotional to talk to him now...