Zombie attacks...

Cause confusion and apparently so did my last post.

My last post was a rant over me sending my Master a skype message asking him if I was able to make a request for something I wanted to do with him/for him.

Points of confusion:

1. He messaged me back taking about his assignment and he would like it but vanilla people wouldnt... I was like huh and so confused that I thought maybe he was talking to somebody else. That doesnt happen to me often but I have done that in the past. Thats why I had to change my friend's name on my cell; Horace is too close to Home. I thought I was calling Horace to tell him about my ex was talking about wanting to marry me but instead I called home. I was so embarrassed and had to tell my mom not to tell my dad yet.

2. My Master kept telling me to not talk to the teacher about that. I was like huh... talk to the teacher about what?

My original question was if we would be interested in me doing forced lactation because of my fantasy of him having me around me all the time so he can breastfeed whenever he wants to.

My brain tends to work overtime and I tend to over think things a lot and have a zillion ideas in my head at once so the forced lactation was out of my mind because I thought that my Master just ignored my request...

Finally, I think I understood that my Master was confused that I wanted to do the finial paper for English about forced lactation; which if I did he would fail the class because this strange online class is only limited to writing about LA... True I havent been to school in over 10 years; but normally in English classes the students writing about many different topics and ideas instead of just one focused subject. Im having a hard enough in this class because I know nothing about LA and I have to pretend Im Korean; which pretending to be Korean is easier for me because I know more stuff about Korea than I do LA... Also I prefer Korean music, tv, and movies (and the god-like-fine-as-hell-sexy-ass Korean mens) over anything American

And fyi I still have no idea what to do for the final paper because my Master hasnt sent me any feedback yet

Fantasies... (unhappy slave)

I have noticed that anytime I bring up any suggestion of something I would like for my Master to do he ignores it. At least I guess he ignores me because he never says anything about it.

Was gonna try to talk to him about forced lactation but I guess a slave's fantasies dont matter no matter how good they can be.

Whatever though, as long as he doesnt ignore me all the time I can deal with it. Though Im starting to feel more like a sweat shop slave than a fuck slave

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Edit: This is my journal and I was holding my tongue a lot in this post but I figured it would be best if I didnt so I will add a few thoughts no matter what they are...

Im extremely unhappy because all me and my Master ever talk about anymore is his damn English class. If that is all he wants me for then I will start charging him per hour for the work I do. Yes this was talked about before hand but before we used to talk and have regular skype sessions. Before it was like he really wanted to be with me now it just feels like he just wants me to be his lackey so he can get his degree. I do enjoy taking this class but its kinda stressing me out because I feel like I have no time for anything else.

I have heard that Korean men make wonderful lovers and boyfriends but very shitty husbands because they stop paying you any attention.  Maybe this is this husband phase of the relationship. Gotta get used to being treated like Im nothing but then I am used to being treated that way

   

Bad Bitch

I remember my Master telling me that I had to ask his permission to see naughty pictures. I was bad and did a search for hot Asian men. I found this tumblr link http://asian-men-in-full-nudity.tumblr.com/ and I looked at many pages...

I didnt ask for permission, I did it myself without approval.

Pretty sure I already told my Master but I dont touch myself because I dont get any pleasure out of that. I love being told to masturbate.

Im a huge control freak. As in I love being controlled. Hell my Master can even control my breathing if he wants to.

I remember reading his post in that made me want to respond to him. He did he didnt want his property to think, he would make all the decisions. I have wanted that all my life

Different...

Im different than normal people. It probably has a lot to do with my dad beating me because for the longest time I was scared of men. I thought that if I stood up for myself against a man and told him no he would get very angry and want to kill me.

All my life I wanted lived for other people. Jobs I would do whatever the management told me to do; for relationships I would always ask my boyfriend what he wanted me to do.

I have never felt safe going out alone because of when I was in school; I dont remember when except that is was Valentine's Day,  but some guy was following me in his car all the way to my house. I tried running away but he wouldnt leave me alone. My parents ending up calling the cops and I ended up in the hospital

I have been used and abused my whole life and I wanted it but I wasnt happy.

Im glad I decided to go to AnimeUSA 2013 and going to the panel about BDSM & Anime because if I wouldnt have gone to that I would have never found out about fetlife and I would have never found my Master.

At first I wasnt going to join fetlife because I figured that it would be like the other online dating sites where guys just wanted a quickie and didnt care about me. At first fetlife was like that because new subs are bombarded with wanna be doms wanting you to submit to them right away. Yes I may be new to thins but Im not stupid and I probably know more about BDSM than you do.

I have been living this was my whole life,  I have always wanted this. I have always wanted to devote my life to pleasing one man. Allowing him to do whatever he wants to me. Wanting him to cause me pain because pain is the only emotion I know. Pain makes me feel alive.

My life has not been good and most people would think I wanted to change it but Im happy with myself. I know whats its like to have nothing. I have only learned to need what is necessary. The only thing I would change is I would always be by my Master side; or at least living with him.

 

Luckiest person ever...

Im so lucky and happy to belong to my Master

I cant even put it in words. I just wish it wasnt so hard to get a job. I need money before I can move out with him and Im glad he is patience

I can feel it...

PMS is starting so I better be careful...

Im trying to ask my Master what LA is like know because the only things I have learned about LA is from the movie LA Confidential and the game Grand Theft Auto...

I could tell I was starting to PMS because I thought to myself that if I had to ask my Master again and he ignores me again I will just post in the class thread that LA is nothing like in the movies or books. Its filled with unicorns fighting Godzilla monsters. And the reason for their fighting is so they can control the salt water taffy industry....

(Now I miss salt water taffy. Its sooo good)

Pigtails

There is just something about me having my hair in pigtails...

Today I had my hair in low pigtails so I could wear my hat and even though I was hot, sweaty, and my face was redder than a lobster at least 4 guys in cars stopped to try to get my number. Pretty sure one guy stopped his truck in a parking lot just so he would watch my ass as I walked by cause all he did was roll his window down and stare at me. Even two guys walking said things like hey boo... I cant even remember how meany guys honked their horns at me. I dont mind it much until they start following me. Though it just makes me want my Master more <3