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| Photo credit: Death to Stock |
Using the internet is one of the easiest ways to learn about BDSM. Personally, I don't think it the best way to learn because (like me) most people are just giving their option based on their own dynamic and experiences, and what is true for one person isn't true for everybody else.
Different people prefer different things and they might give a false outlook on how things are to be done. Some Doms hate bratty subs and think that bratty subs are horrible. While other Doms may absolutely adore bratty subs and they prefer them to any other type of sub. Some people have the mindset of your kink isn't my kink, so therefore it's wrong. There is a lot of that especially on-line; but more importantly I'm here today to talk specifically about BDSM groups on-line.
There are pro's and con's to on-line BDSM groups. Some groups may have wonderful information but the members of the group are rude to others. Some groups may have wonderful members but the group itself doesn't have any concrete information and the members just give their own thoughts. Then there are groups lead by a Dom that thinks that anybody that joins the group belongs to them. I highly suggest to stay away from this type of group because the Dom often demand things from the members, like nudes. If you do happen to join this type of group, leave and block the Dom that owns the group. This will eliminate any possible stalking and harassment. It's hard to tell some times what type of group you are about to join, and the only way to find out is to join the group yourself.
I prefer groups that contain friendly members that are willing to help; over groups that think that they know everything about this lifestyle, and if you don't act how they want you to act then your labeled as not a true lifestylier. I have been both types of these groups; more of the second type than the first type. I'm lucky not to have ever been in the third type of group I listed.
I seems to me that ever since 50 Shades of Grey (book and movie) came out, some people in this lifestyle feel the need to defend their certain way of life and bash anybody that doesn't do things how they where taught. I have gotten more hate from people in this lifestyle than from vanilla people just because I like to speak my mind. Some of the self proclaimed, hard-core lifestyliers have said that I don't act like a true submissive. Or true submissives wouldn't ever think that way, or let alone do that.
Here is my what I would like to say them (which I normally keep to myself because my momma taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say, then say anything at all); I have a brain and I like to ask questions. I hate the feeling of when a Dom laughs at me when I ask permission to ask a question or make a suggestion. I'm a very creative person with a very active imagination and I think that the Dom might enjoy my fantasies. However; when the Dom just laughs at me, without allowing me to speak, I feel worthless. I don't care if the Dom doesn't like what I say, I would just like to be heard. It's not me trying to top from the bottom. It's me trying to add to our relationship and make it more interesting.Yes I do love being treated like a possession, but I'm also a person with my own feeling and thoughts.
Here is my advice for anybody wishing to join on-line BDSM groups, or else already in one. Take other people's advice in hand; but you don't have to do as they say. If a group makes you feel pressured, stressed, or unhappy; there is no reason to stay in the group. All that matters is you and your partner's (if you have one or more) happiness and safety. Just because somebody may have 20+ years experience in this lifestyle it doesn't mean they know about your dynamic. Every person's dynamic is different and as long as it works don't let anybody change it.
