Our Anniversary...

Since I no longer have my fetlife account I dont have the exact day when I agreed to by my Master's slave but I think its around September 20th.

With him I have never been happier in my life. I finally feel like Im in my true place and like I belong.

Though I do long for the day when I can be in physical presence. So I can feel his ownership and his love.

Trust My Dad....

Im worried about being homeless and my mom told me to trust my dad that we wont become homeless...

Every time I have trusted my dad to do something he always let me down and never did it...

In fact he said himself why should he have to worry about the house when he is going to die soon...

First off, the doctor never told him he has so long to live. There is nothing wrong with him except he is lazy and hates doing work. I dont even think he cares if his family becomes homeless because he doesnt want to have to do anything about it. He will just let it happen because he is too lazy...

I hate lazy people...

I dont want to become homeless because Im scared I will lose my Master. He has been so wonderful to me

Gimme plox...

I miss having animals so much.

Kinda surprised my Master got him a cat though...

From what I have been learning about Korea and Korean; pets arent as common as over here though they slowly are becoming a thing...

Though my Master is different so I shouldnt compare him to your average Korean. He is the best person ever <3

Like the saying goes you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals...

Him getting this kitten just make me love him more <3

So glad him and Mochi (?) are getting along so well <3

Learing So Much

Thanks to the small group I am in on facebook I learned that my separation anxiety and feeling abandoned was really sub drop...

All I knew is that I missed my Master a lot and I felt alone like he left me. it was horrible. now that I understand it I can control it more


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Im learning Korean <3

I have two apps on my phone but I feel kinda silly talking to my phone. Also I seem to talk quiet so my phone doesnt pick up everything I say

Watching videos seem to help me more though...

Like with learning Japanese viva playing visual novels and watching Black Butler & Hellsing I more of an audio learning than visual learner

Also Korean is really a cute place <3

I would not mind living there

Never knew why...

I thought maybe it was my PMS that would make me super emotional and depressed and feeling like I was alone and abandoned by my Master but I found out that separation anxiety is part of and can cause sub drop...

This actually make more since than think it was my PMS...

I am not saying that sub drop is any less worse it just makes me realize I much I really need and miss my Master


*unrelated picture but I just happened to see it and I love it plus its my favorite color red*

Fav porn to watch...

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Coldness...

Im never meant to act cold towards my Master...

A few things I need to work on...

1. Forgetting what I wanted to say when my Master messages me - I dont know what it is but usually when he messages I get super happy and forget everything else but him.

2. Also adding to forgetting what to say I sometimes want to tell him everything. - I mean everything, like the time in 1st grade when I was getting picked on for wearing for glasses so I lost them on purpose so I wouldnt have to wear them for a while. To things like all the different Korean stuff I learned. And what foods tend to make my stomach hurt...

3. Feeling like I need to hold my tongue. - Goes along with telling him everything...

4. Unsure how to respond. - Despite popular believe I actually sometimes I trouble forming what to say because I have a zillion things going on in my head.

5. Taking a few days to form my thoughts. - I like to thinks things out before I respond. Like with this post...


Probably even some of the coldness has to do with the many years of working in customer service. People would tend to yell at me complaining about people that I worked with. I had to learn to act calm and not take it personal so I wouldnt get angry at the costumer.

After learning that I was really a slave and wanted to serve one man its like my emotions are in over drive. I used to never but now I cry almost one a day. Happy tears and sad tears, though more happy tears than sad because Im happy with my Master. Like right now I have been crying almost the whole time writing this.

Opening your heart and giving your soul to another person has left me feeling happy and free but also feeling more vulnerable. Putting your life in another person's hands takes a lot of trust and love. It hurts a lot that I am not fully his yet.

Also most of my life I have felt like I didnt belong and was an outsider. So finally the feeling of belonging is very new to me. Im still learning and adjusting to this feeling. Im different than other people because I have always been very shy and always asking others what they wanted me to do.  I have always felt that unless I knew everything then I should ask others what to do. (Probably this is the main reason I love my Master because he is so smart)

I have only just learned about being a slave not too long before I met my Master. I have known about BDSM almost all my life but I thought it was mostly just tying up somebody using them. I am so grateful for that BDSM & Anime panel I went to or else I would have never found out about fetlife. Without fetlife I would have never found my Master <3 This is the reason i still have the booklet, ID, and schedule from a year ago. He means that much to me <3