I'm Back

A ton has happened since I actually posted anything. So I'm gonna ramble a ton.

I lived hell in for four months.

My ex-Master did a number on me. I was a dummy. I knew better but I had a feeling like I needed the experience even though I wouldn't be happy. Boy was I unhappy. He expected me to love him at first glance. I will never forget them picking me up at the airport. He specifically told me to dress nice because he didn't want a bag lady as his slave but him and his wife were dressed like homeless rednecks; which was unfair to me. That was my first plane ride and my first time way from my family; he wouldn't allow me to dress comfortably. 

Didn't listen to a damn word I said to him. I told him that I felt very uncomfortable being stared at but he said that he didn't care, he was going to stare at me all he wanted. With him I was more of a service sub than anything. He gave me a list of chores and that's the extent of his domination towards me, which I hated. He hardly ever gave me any feedback or explained anything to me even though I asked him to. Most mornings while making the bed, I was crying my eyes out because I thought that I wasn't good enough. 

I got along with his wife better because she actually cared about me and we worked together and talked a lot. All my ex ever did was to sit in his chair and watch tv. He only ever played with me the first three days I was there. Most of the time neither of them told me a damn thing.  I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, which is never a good thing. 

Towards the end I felt so uncomfortable. He made me hate going on the computer because he said that I was just like his ex. That I was using the internet to cheat on him, which was utter bullshit. I hated that he didn't even trust me. Plus I missed being able to be with my family so much that I wanted to leave. I was so fucking scared that he was going to hurt me when I was waiting for the day to leave because it made him super angry. 

He actually had the nerve to tell me not to even try coming back. I would never go back to that. However, I always say that nothing is for naught as long as you have learned something; and I sure as hell learned a ton. 

First; people online are different than in person. Second; don't be with somebody that wants to rush things. Third; true I love cleaning but I'm not a service sub. Fourth; I need time and space to myself. Finally; I cant stand to be picked on for just being me.

Now lets move out of the past and into the present.

Peace, love, and chicken grease.