I'm usually the first to say to never go back to your ex but I just had to make a fucking otome game about teaching English in Seoul... You know because of my obsession with Japanese/Korean men...
Making this game forces me to think about my very first Master because he is the only Korean guy I have been with.
Out of boredom and weakness I admit that I messaged him (hurray for my memory). Just saying that I couldn't stop thinking about him.
Hell he is the reason I started this blog in the first place...
Also this picture sure as hell isn't helping either. Yes its giving me ideas of what to add for my game but otherwise its not good for my health.
Jungkook I love you but why you gotta be sooo damn fine?
This post will be rather short because it doesn't need too much explanation. Anybody that doesn't seem to understand the concept that not communicating is never good needs to get checked out by a physiologist because they either have an ego complex or an id complex (superior/inferior). We are still people, even in this lifestyle. Nobody is superior or inferior. We still require open and honest communication.
Without communication how can there be trust? Its impossible. Constant doubt and fear takes over with prolonged lack of communication. What if the person(s) is sick, hurt, or worse? There is no way to know with proper communication.
Lack of communication also leads to feelings of abandonment. The simple truth is prolonged lack of communication is equal to abandonment.
With current technology, there is no reason to not hear from somebody unless they are not communicating on purpose.
One of the cores of this lifestyle is communication. Without communication you have nothing.
This was asked to me by a Dom I was talking to on fetlife. He told me that I was very sweet, smart, and fun to be around
but he wanted to know why I was single... The answer to this question is
the same reason why we stopped talking to each other.
I am monogamous in a world where most people are polygamous. I will not
budge on being monogamous. I tried polygamous and it didn't work. I wasn't happy
and it drained me too much. I prefer to focus all of my energies on one
person. I also don't compete. If my Dom wants another girl he can have
her, but I will be gone. Having only one partner is far less stressful and more manageable for me.
One of the most important things in is BDSM is compatibly. The first part of compatibly is making sure that the types of play both of you are into are similar. Here is a basic play list to help you and your partner understand the types of play that both of you are into. To use this list, just print it and write next to the play type if its a limit, something you have never done but want to try, something you like to do, or something you cant live without. Enjoy and remember to always practice safety.
Age Play
Pet Play
Medical Play
Role Play
(Doctor/nurse, teacher/student, etc)
Vaginal Fisting
Anal Fisting
Pegging
Face Slapping
Hair Pulling
Rope Bondage
Soft hand/ankle Cuffs
Metal hand/ankle Cuffs
Gagged
Blindfolds
Orgasm Control
Sensory Play
Soft Impact Play
(Hand spanking)
Hard Impact Play
(Floggers, whips, paddles, canes)
Periods effect every woman differently; so please ask your submissive how her periods are and if she ever gets PMS. If she does get PMS, ask her how bad it is and what helps her most. Some submissives can function normally but some cant when they are PMSing. This includes periods too.
When a submissive is on having PMS and her period it can effect her mood, energy levels, and her senses (including pain levels). It not that the submissive doesn't want to please her Dom while on her period; its just that some cant, or have a harder time, because of the many side effects of PMS. Give her some lee way and don't punish her for not being her normal submissive self.
I get PMDD more often than PMS. PMDD is basically PMS's bigger badder sister. Everything is worse. I want everything and everyone around me to die. One time; I cursed out a manager at one of my jobs because he wouldn't allow me to go on my break because it was busy. I only got away with it was because the store manager didn't believe the other manager because I'm always sweet and patient. I also get super tired and have horrible cramps; so what I can do is limited. Sometimes the cramps are extreme and it even hurts to just move; all I can do is lie down in bed with a heating pad. I also tend to get depressed and feel very alone. Feeling alone but also wanting to kill anybody that comes within 5 feet of you is a horrible feeling. I have tried different things but I don't like how they make me feel. I just have to learn to cope, which doesn't work most of the time. Only thing that seems to help is music.
This topic will be very hard for me to write because its a very tender subject for me. I have been abused by my father and a few partners. I'm just so lucky to have been able to get away before anything horrible happened to me. I hope that this helps others from feeling trapped, helpless, and lost. There is help out there. I will post links at the bottom.
Many abusers, both men and women, use the guise of Dom/me when in fact they are really just abusive people. Abuse never goes away or gets better; its only gets worse. Here are some signs to let you know that you need to drop everything and leave no matter what.
Doms that don't allow you to say no. Yes, you are submissive but you are not a doormat. You still have the right to say no to something that you don't want to do.
Using fear as means of control. Nobody should be in fear of their Dom. Fear shows a lack of trust; and without trust there is no BDSM relationship.
Wanting you to cut all ties with your family and friends. This is a way of them isolating you, so you cant leave them. Also, others wont know what is happening and their is a less chance of them getting caught.
Turning things around so everything is your fault. This takes away your self esteem and makes you feel more dependent on them. It also makes you feel like you are the reason for their abusive behavior.
Forcing you to do things that you don't want to do. Consent, consent, consent. If there isn't any consent then it isn't BDSM its abuse. It doesn't matter what the Dom says; if you cant consent then you need to leave and never look back.
Not allowing you to ask questions. If you aren't allowed to ask questions then how can you properly serve? You cant. This also goes in hand with using fear as a way to control you. You start to fear doing everything because you aren't sure how the Dom wants things done. Then the Dom uses that excuse of not doing things his way and he processes to beat the shit out of you.
Not allowing safe words or else ignoring them. Safe words are used to let Doms know when you are unable to take anymore type of play, no matter the reason.
Ignoring your limits. Everybody has limits for a reason; wither its medical, legal, ethical, etc. Limits are to never be crossed without a prior discussion. Completely ignoring limits shows that the person is un-trust worthy and doesn't have any empathy for how you feel. Also this can lead to dangerous situations that might injure you.
Belittling you. They make you think and feel that you are nothing and without them you wont be able to survive on your own.
I can add more but at this point I'm crying and shaking too much because of bad memories. Bottom line is something ever feels off or wrong to you, trust your gut and leave before its too late.
Here are the links to get help and also more information on abuse:
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
Support, resources and advice for your safety
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
24/7, 365 days a year. Bilingual advocates on hand.
Having red flags in BDSM is talked about a lot. What does the saying red flag mean in BDSM? It means a list of things that would either cause you to worry, or stop all contact with another person, because they either talk about, or do things, that are against what you are willing to do, or things that you cant stand. It helps you figure out if a person is somebody that you would want to be with in a BDSM relationship.
Everybody has different red flags. To help you to create your own list of red flags here is a basic list.
The person(s) doesn't agree, nor get along with their local BDSM community. The reason for this red flag can be many different things. The person(s) could be: practicing things that are against the basic BDSM rules (I will explain this in a later post), unsafe, doesn't care about consent, manipulative, has very unreal exceptions about this lifestyle, thinks that BDSM equals domestic abuse, etc. I had an ex-Master that was like this and if I knew about this red flag I would have saved a lot of time and agony.
Demanding things before getting to know you. BDSM relationships are equal to vanilla relationships. Would you allow somebody that you didn't know to use your body as they see fit? I hope not, or else you may have some issues that you need to see a therapist about. First off, its not safe. Plus, how can you devote yourself to another person that you know nothing about? You have no idea if both of you will get along. You have no idea what their kinks are, and they have no idea what your kinks are. A hard core masochist will not be happy with somebody that doesn't want to cause pain; nor does the other person understand your need for pain. Demanding things at first glance is something that happens a lot by people that don't understand the deep bonds that a BDSM relationship creates. Most of the time when somebody demands something right away, they just want easy sex.
A person saying that they have no limits. Everybody has limits, especially with a new partner. Those limits may disappear once deep trust has been formed. Saying that you have no limits, usually is a sign of a person that is new to BDSM. Would you allow somebody to turn you into a baby making factory so they can preform coat hanger abortions on you; just because they have a pregnancy fetish, but don't want to have any children? I highly doubt it. Think about anything and everything that you don't want to do, or have done to you. Do you have any health issues that limit you from doing certain things? Write everything down so you don't forget. Update it when your limits change.
Not allowing open communication. This falls under part of domestic abuse. Not allowing open communication can be dangerous, because if you aren't allowed to ask questions to learn about something that you have never done, or even heard of before; can cause you to be injured because you had no idea what you were doing. Also, not allowing open communication hinders trust. Its usually a sign that the other person has something to hide; an other family, married, lying about themselves, etc.
Not allowing the use of any safe words. Safe words are to keep a submissive safe. It tells the Dom to stop for some reason. The reason could be health related or maybe the submissive is unable to handle anymore. Without a safe word; the Dominate has no idea what the submissive is thinking and how they are doing. Dominates aren't mind readers; submissives have to be able to let the Dom know when to stop.
Inconsistency. When a Dominate/submissive keeps changing their story it usually means that either they are fishing for info/pictures, may be cheating on their spouse, or just to have some fun without caring about others. This is why I always ask any potential Dominates similar questions every few days (I don't have to worry about that any more because I have hopefully found mine). Some people make up stories to help create a fake persona as a lure to attract others for their own reasons.
A Dominate not allowing the submissive to say no. This isn't BDSM. There always must be consent. Many people say that in BDSM no means yes but that saying is extremely false. No means no, no matter the situation. Taking away the option for the submissive to say no removes consent and can create an abusive relationship.
Always getting angry when they don't get their way. This lifestyle is all about compromise and keeping a balance between the Dominate and submissive. One person always wanting their way can be a sign of them being abusive.
