Expectation...

Proof Positive...

He doesnt seem to care how I feel...

Yeah all that "if my slave is not good neither am I" or whatever...

Guess it only applies for me to getting infected paper cuts and bloody noises but not a mental break down caused by stress...

But hey no biggie its not like he is physiologist or anything, though some sign of support or at least acknowledgment is better than nothing...

Hope my dad wont be watching me tonight while I choke myself till I pass out. Its the only thing that seems to help when Im alone

Also having no idea what my Master looks like is kinda silly. I dont really care what he looks like I would just like to be able to recognize him when I see him for the first time in person. Also its kinda hard to worship something where all you have is a pic of them after eye surgery

Though I dont mind staring at him all day long. Really wish I could stare at my Master

 

Words...

Im not even sure what I want to write here but I need some kinda of stress release...

Running as never worked to release stress because I just tend to focus on it more...

My Master wont help me for whatever reason...

I have been crying so much from all this shit I gotta put with with my family my stomach like its  in knots  and Im gonna puke any second and it feels like Im getting a fever. Not to mention my nose is rubbed raw from blowing it so much...

Be driven crazy...

By my father...

All of a sudden my dad has been smoking cigars and no matter how many times me and my mom tells him to stop smoking because it makes us sick, he wont stop. Its like he wants to make me and mom miserable on purpose...

He also knows we barely have enough money each month but he still have to spend $30+ dollars  so he can have his cigars...

I knew I should have ran away a few years ago when I couldnt stand living here anymore. My parents begged me to stay telling me that it would be better but it has only gotten worse

Believe me if I had the money I would be in LA with my Master

RE: Last Night's Dream...

Last night I has the most wonderful and strange dream ever...

It was about my Master giving me a rimjob...

I have never had a rimjob before and was a little embarrassed by it but my Master loves my ass so much that he didnt care if I was embarrassed by it. He took me and pushed me down my my stomach and had my ass up and was licking all around my ass hole...

It was the most wonderful feeling ever and I kept cumming until he stopped...

Damn even writing this is making my pussy wet...

Never had a rimjob ever anyway but if my Master wants it he gets it <3

Music

I tend to be very picky with almost everything but with music I only listen to curtain things





Here is what I like...



Well kpop wise anyway...

Quiet please...

One thing I never been able to get is peace and quiet. My mom is always blaring the tv and my dad is always making mindless noises.  Its really stressing me out to the point that Im crying.

So far the only moments I have had where everything is quiet is when late at night my Master skypes with me.

Another thing I dont enjoy is people just talking for the sake of talking.They form words with their mouth but the words have no meaning or context. Unless if you are sharing or trying to gain information then please be quiet. I have no interest in hearing about how short you cut your hair or other meaningless things like that.

That goes for songs too. Most modern songs are just saying the same words over and over again, trying to make a rhyme that makes since but it just ends up sounding like a third grader wrote it. This is why I refuse to leave my house without my headphones and my Yuya. I will not taint myself with meaningless music.


Though, Master can tell me anything he wants to because everything he says is important. <3