Going on Adventures with Master's stupid bitch...

Spent about 4 hrs walking around total. Went to the library to return some books and get more books, went to Lowes to get a protane trouch so my dad can hopefully get the pilot light for the water heater fixed, and went to the grogery store.

I dont mind walking a lot. I just dont like getting blisters.

Adventure #1.

Went to the library to return some books and get more books, which is about 3ish miles away from my house. Its doable because its mostly flat land, unlike my neighborhood which is named West Lanham Hills (because of the hills. This area used to be a river.). On my way back from the library, I left like I was going to throw up because I walked too much. I dont understand why, sometimes my stomach just hates me.

Adventure #2

Went to Lowes to get a propane torch so my dad can hopefully get the pilot light for the water heater fixed. Im horrible at fixing things. I remember when I was trying to put a some-assembly-required desk... I ended up crying because I stripping every screw before even getting it half way to together. I felt so out of place there especially with my pig tails, jeans, hot pink shoes and grey jeweled tee... I must have looked out of place because three people asked me if I needed help. Only of the three knew where the propane torch was.

Adventure #3

Went to the grocery. Nothing special happened there except that the left arm of my jacket kept falling off so I figured I will just let it stay that way and that I will hopefully start a new trend

Dirty Little Confession...

For the past two days.... Aka when I found out about this video, it has been all I have been watching...

I watch it at least 5 times a day....

I dont know exactly why I like it so much but I do love the black and red (my fav colors), the silly dancing, the butt smack, and the fact that all of them seem extremely happy. Not the forced happy that a lot of kpop groups do but genuine happiness.

RE: Age

Since Im not Asian Im not sure of how big a deal age is but from what I heard in Korea younger people must do what older people say... Which is why I love the fact that my Master is even younger than I though he was.

I dont know why I thought he was the same age as my brother but it doesnt matter. As long if he doesnt care about my age, I dont care about his. Like he told me, I love his for his brain... well and his voice. Just hearing his voice makes me wants to be with him even more than I already do. Cant find the right words for it but I love it sooooo much. Though I do prefer that he is very good with me, can tell how Im feeling and seems to know what to do to either make make feel better or punish me.

True Master isnt good at English but that doesnt mean isnt he is super smart. Hell if I had to speak in Korean with him I would only know say to hello and I wouldnt be able to read or write anything in hangeul.

(Master if you even want to know where Im learning about Korean culture and stuffs, its from these people)

Boyfriend's Bestfriend....

The members of Boyfriend changed their hair style again and I cant tell who is who except for two of them. I still havent figured out which ones are twins because to me three of them look exactly alike

All that really matters is that I can pick out my Master out of a room full of Asians *crosses her fingers and hopes she doesnt pick the wrong one*

Side Note: Funny thing is; my mom tells me the story of her not recongizing my dad after he came back from his Air Force duties over seas. She told my aunt that nooo he is to handsome to be her husband and my aunt was like nope thats hims :P

Everybody gets me and my mom confused. Fate will only tell how much we really are alike. For right now Im doing the same as she did. Lived with her parents till she was over 30, havent been married yet, and not kids. My mom had me when she was 32. I hope I have my first kid before then.... But thats not up to me. 

Dreams...

For the morning that I can remembers what I dreamt about that night its either me running away from something, me being stuck inside of a burning building with no way out, one of my various dreams about sex, and me being a goddess (the original one and only god that happens to still be alive) with great powers but just woke up from a deep sleep where Im very weak cant remember much. I must be taken care of and at one point have my head chopped off to prevent me from becoming a monster. Once my head is chopped off I regain all of my powers and memories and me and the guy that was taking care of me have sex...

Last night I had a very different dream...

I actually dreamed of being pregnant and working in a toy store so me and my Master (yes i have many dreams of my Master. All good ones too) could afford to have the baby. He would only let me work until I got to the point that I would have back pains from carrying the baby. He always happened to be near by and watching to make sure me and the baby was ok...

Loved that dream so much...

Another thing about the dream I remember is specially saying I didnt want to buy a toy for our baby because it had nonsense words on it... I have heard a lot that in dreams you are unable to read words... Maybe I was just testing myself to see if I could read words in my dreams

Lucky...

Im so lucky to still have my Master...

I have been missing him a lot and that is probably why I have been extra cranky...

So happy that he is letting me watch him while he is at work. Some people may thing that it stupid but he is letting me part of him life <3

Im so glad that he hasnt left me for good.

I have to do my best to be worthy of being his


~~~

Also the nautghty thing I thought of today while watching him at work today ~

Is that I hope he chews my lips, nipples, clit and anything else he wants to chew on as well as he chews his gum <3

What Drew Her to Her Master...

One of the major things that make me want to send the first message to my Master was that he didnt want his property have to think. He would make all the decisions.

All my brain has done for me was caused me trouble because I tend to be over analytical and over thing everything. My brain is like a sponge and absorbs everything around it. Then Im left with the task of processing all the info over the next few hours or days. Trying my best to understand the meanings of everything.

My Master has the wonderful ability of pulling me in and only thinking about him by just hearing his voice and seeing his face.

I honestly do trust him in my heart but its my mind that causes me to doubt him. I know he must hate whenever I doubt him...


Funny (and gross) thing is that the patterns my snot has been making when I blow my nose is a heart...

~~~~~

This morning I though that was my Master at work was kinda stupid but it honesty did make me feel better. Maybe I have been feeling so shitty is because I miss him a lot

At an Impass...

I really dont know what to do now...

It feels like my word is crumbling apart...

I have been non stop crying for the past view days. I try to tell my Master but he only seems to care about and has time for himself...

I have broken up with people all because they have only ever wanted to use me for sex but now Im not getting any...

Dirty Mop Status...

The punishment my Master gave me just made me feel worse...

Nothing like rubbing your clit while crying because it feels like things are wrong...


I have a very high sex drive and need it regularly or else I get very bitchy...

I dont know if Koreans are just not used to having sex regularly but I am. Going from having sex 2 or 3 times a week to hardly ever isnt normal for me.

Still not sure what I did wrong except for doubting my Master. The doubts had very good proof too. I even asked my best friend who is a guy and he even said that not using a girlfriend for a long time is a bad sign and probably means he is cheating.

I really dont know anymore. I just feel emotionally drained. I have been crying so much and have all these pent up emotions. I need a release soon or else its just gonna blow up in my Master face...

Im actually starting to feel like what I felt like before I broke up with my ex just minus any sex. If my ex wasnt having any sex with me than he didnt want anything to do with him

Master...?

First things first...

I need to cum soon or else Im going to go crazy. I know its up to my Master when and if I cum or not but still if a peasants needs arent taken care of they will revolt...


Another thing...

I tend to play dumb a lot just to make my life easier because one of my first memories in school was always finishing assignments first and other students always asking me for me...

One of my pet peeves is I hate when other people bother me. Im like like that fuck do you want. Leave me the fuck alone. I dont want your germs and to listen to your stupid babbling...

Well you see... I have a great memory and I remember that for one of the first writing assignments I did for my Master was about him gradating. He said that he graduated when he was 18. Which according to his birthday that would have been 2004. My Master and my brother where born in the same year.

Well helping him filling out his college stuff he said that he graduated high school in 2006. I might have miss heard it but Im pretty sure he said 2006. Not like it matters too much. Maybe it was a test to see if I was paying attention. Hell I do little tests to see how well my Master pays attention to me...

I remember one of the time he wanted to cum and I was holding in on purpose. He was like hurry up and cum. He really does read my body very well. Which I totally love.

Clouds, Kittens, & Command Prompts...

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happpy <3

Love when Master lets me hear his voice and see his face. Makes me just want him more and I continue trying to fighting to get job so I can be with him.


His cats are sooo cute too. I love cats <3

I have always been a cat person. My mom always tells me the story of when I was a new born and how her cat would sleep at the top of my head to keep me warm.

Yes dogs are nice but its takes a lot more effort and patience to get a cat to like you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Im still making some money, but some I mean less than $10 a month, for my youtube videos. It used to be a lot more but youtube seems to hate yaoi visual novels so I have starting putting them up on dailymotion.

One of my favorite streamers says its ok to upload his Saturday night streams to youtube because he doesnt do that himself.

My own thing is the downloaded videos are .flv and I need to switch them to .mp4. I have a program to switch it but I cant get it to work. Every time I try it it says that the file is invalid but it isnt.

I have no idea what Im doing wrong :(

Here is the instructions to switch the file formats https://obsproject.com/forum/resources/how-to-convert-flvs-to-mp4-fast-without-re-encoding.78/

Getting Cold Already...

This winter is really going to suck again. Hopefully Im able to get a job soon so I can live with my Master.

Last winter wasnt as bad because my house had at least working hot water but now the hot water heater stopped working. No heat and no hot water is gonna suck. Guess I will have to boil water and wash off fast before I freeze. Doubt I could even wash my hair because its supposed to be the super cold arctic temperatures again and I dont want to get sick.

Would be nice to have money to fix things when they are broken like people normally do

Master Wanted To Talk...

Still waiting on Master to have a talk with me. I hope its good news. I am kinda nervous though, because sometimes it seems like I just cause him more trouble

Results From The Doc's App..

The doc gave me some meds to help my sinuses. For the pmdd she recommended either have her prescribe me some antidepressants or else she could give me a referral to see a gyno to change my birth control pills. I opted for the gyno because I am not depressed and I have heard that sometimes taking antidepressants have bad side effects.

If I dont need to take meds I rather not take them. Thats one of the things I dont like about some doctors. For some doctors you go in with a cold and a stuffy nose and they write you 7 different prescriptions without really trying to cure you. Some doctors just listen to what you say and dont even look at you.

I like my doc though. She is a nice lady and is very thorough with her examinations.

Blood and Faults...

The past few days have been hard on me. I really hate that some times before my period everything irritates me. One thing I got out from this is that I dont ever want to leave my Master. He is in my blood and he is part of me. Every part of me is his.

Even though he isnt prefect there isnt such a thing as a prefect person. People have faults and you have to learn how to deal with them. Also from the different sites and blogs I have read about dating Korean men is that they are workaholics. Even though he may not be there for me all the time I know (at least I hope so) that he wishes that he was there

I swear...

My dad never listens to anything anybody tells him.

Me and my mom keep telling him that him smoking makes us both sick and to please stop but he hasnt. Why did he even randomly take up smoking anyway. He never used to smoke before.

I doubt he remembers the time after my Grandma died from lung cancer because she smoked all her life. We went to a restaurant but all they has was tables in the smoking section so we sat down there. I starting crying saying that I couldnt breathe and that I didnt want to die from the smoke. It got so bad we had to leave the restaurant.

My dad only cares about himself. He has always been like that. He doesnt care if he is making other people's lives miserable; all that matters is that he is happy.

I honestly dont see how my mom can stay married to him because I cant stand to be around him.

Made In Korea...

I swear the most stupid things make me happy.

I have been feeling pretty shitting and I just happened to see that the cup I was drinking from was made in Korea...

My Master is from Korea too... It made me smile and feel happy

Stay Calm...

Getting annoyed that Master is ignored me. He has been ignoring me for a while as a matter of fact. He didnt say anything when I sent him my project for him.

I have to do my best to not message him in skype and tell him that he is a shitty Master.

I know this anger is just my PMDD.

I just want to feel normal again

Philosophy Time With Dr. Stupid Bitch ...

Im feeling a little better so I figured I should do a more light hearted post...

Ever since I can remember I have always admired and idolized Asian culture. They are smart and have the best technically, yet they still believe in legends and superstitions, while caring about family and nature.

This is going to sound very strange but as per Asian languages I have learned it up to the point of being able to tell which writing is what language. The same for the sounds of the language. I am but a mere peasant and have no right in speaking the god's language (hope this makes since to my Master). If he wants me to actually learn how to speak Korean then I will.

Know I Shouldnt...

But I will...

This is my journal and Im free to write whatever I want so I will write this...

If I have to demand for sex from my Master then I will not be happy.

I have a very high sex drive. Even with my ex I had to jump on top on him at least twice a week because I needed sex.

My Master better handle my needs better or else I will not be happy.

If he doesnt give me what I need than I will take care of it myself.

I know some of this anger is from my PMDD but some of this is truth; which is why Im writing this post.

Today...

Today I just want to crawl into a deep dark cave, curl up into a ball, scream as loud as I can and cry my eyes out and never come out of the cave.

Words Associations...

I realized something...

Me getting depressed, worried, and even hornier than normal can only mean one thing...

My period will be starting soon...

I thought to myself:

Warning...

Warning...

Igeon overdose...

My PMDD will probably be acting up because Im not my usually happy and positive person. Yes these pills do help to a point but its not completely gone...


Music always calms me down and since this has warning, warning as the first words I figured this song would be the best and yes it is <3

(I would like to thank my Master for being Korean or else I would have never found out about kpop)

Past Experiences...

Here I am sitting at my computer at 4:23 am because Im too horny to sleep...

When me and my Master first met he would use me to cum at the minimum once a week but now its been a while since he used me to cum...

Usually that means one of two things: either the guy is no longer interested or else the guy has somebody else he is having sex with...

I would rather no think about either because I really love and trust him alot...

*Note for Master:  Your property never masturbates herself Sir because she doesnt enjoy it Sir. She loves being told how to do it and when to come Sir


~~~~


I am sick and tired of putting in tons of applications all over and never getting even a call back. This will be the 5th time I have in an application for Walmart and the 3rd time for McDonald's. Both of these places I would never normally work because Walmart is a horrible place to work and McDonald's makes gross food that makes me puke any time I eat it. But I will endure working there for the shake of getting money so I can move.

Its like ever since I turned 30 nobody wants to hire me anymore

Finally Something Good...

After all this bad luck with not getting a job and other things something good finally happened...

A few days ago the manager for the Radio Shack next door came over and was talking to my mom about him wanting to pay for a new fence for us.

See we are right next to their parking lot and our fence was in a very bad shape because we havent had the money to fix it.

Its so great to have a company that wants to help the neighborhood around them.

Thank you Mr. Radio Shack manager. Well Radio Shack in general

Scared To Walk Alone...

I was walking home on my way to the library and this guy kept following me. I knew it was the same guy because his car stood out. It was a red car with black racer stripes and a black number 3 painted on the door.

He kept driving past me and waiting at the drive way I was going to walk past.

The 3rd time I noticed him doing this I was mad and scared. He yelled out to me that he just liked watching me walk...

I would be happy if my Master wanted me to lock my in a cage and keep me there for the rest of my life. As long as he took care of me, I had room to move around, was able to talk to my family, and had a computer so I wouldnt get bored.