One thing I never been able to get is peace and quiet. My mom is always blaring the tv and my dad is always making mindless noises. Its really stressing me out to the point that Im crying.
So far the only moments I have had where everything is quiet is when late at night my Master skypes with me.
Another thing I dont enjoy is people just talking for the sake of talking.They form words with their mouth but the words have no meaning or
context. Unless if you are sharing or trying to gain information then
please be quiet. I have no interest in hearing about how short you cut your
hair or other meaningless things like that.
That goes for songs too. Most modern songs are just saying the same words over and over again, trying to make a rhyme that makes since but it just ends up sounding like a third grader wrote it. This is why I refuse to leave my house without my headphones and my Yuya. I will not taint myself with meaningless music.
Though, Master can tell me anything he wants to because everything he says is important. <3
My journal, thoughts, experiences, and advice while in the lifestyle of BDSM. I'm highly opinionated and cynical. I'm not afraid to speak my own mind.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
The Story of The Master & his slave
I never really told anybody the story about us but Im not sure how else to show how wonderful he is.... (its kinda long)
We met on fetlife when he posted an add looking for somebody to be his property. I responded to it and he didnt expect me to submit to him or say Im his or anything; he wanted to know about me first. After a while of chatting he let me pick what I would call him; either Sir or Master. I went with Sir because it seemed more fitting seeing as he hasnt collared me but once he does collar me I will call him Master. He was perfectly fine with that.
A few months later; I was PMSing and I got very angry at him for something silly he posted on fetlife. I dont remember the exact words but I called him a lair and said everything he was telling me is bullshit.. He was very surprised I was that mad over something that was nothing and he broke it off with me. I realized my error after the fact and apologized to him telling him I was wrong but I didnt hear anything back from him in over 2 weeks so I figured he didnt want me anymore.
I never fully got over him even though I was talking to a new Dom (the Dom knew this). I was with this new Dom for about a month when my (current) Master emailed me asking if I wanted another chance. I was so happy to hear from him and I wanted to say yes but I figured that it wouldnt be fair to this Dom I was talking to. So I asked the Dom what to do and he said just to reply with no. I asked if he wanted me to delete the email and he also said no.Then it was like fate stepped in; after a failed panty stuffed session that ended with me injured. I thought the Dom left me because I didnt hear from that Dom until 6 days later. I though I disappointed him because I couldnt do the task he wanted me to do. I checked my email everyday to see if the Dom had sent me an email saying he had to travel for work . Everyday the email from my Master was sitting there and after six days I could no longer take it. I hesitantly emailed my Master back telling him that yes I did want him back and I only said no because I was talking to another Dom and the other Dom told me to say no. I told my Master the reason I was talking to another Dom was because I thought he no longer wanted me.
My Master excepted me back but he said he would be more harsh on me and I could no longer use fetlife; which I was fine with. I remember back in late December he told me that I might not hear from him for a week because he had to get eye surgery but we chatted for hours everyday. That was when he brought up about me getting my nipples pierced for him. I asked him how I would do that and he told me to think about it. All I had to think about was a needle and blood. I could feel a panic attack starting. I told my Master about my panic attack and I asked him if it was ok if I made myself some tea. He said sure go ahead make tea and that if I was unable to get my nipple pierced thats fine. He just thought it would be a good idea for me to get. After that he never brought up nipple piercing again.
It was in February when I was thinking of something special I could do for Valentine's Day for him to show to my devotion and how happy I was for him taking me back. I remembered him wanting me to get the nipple piercings. I looked up as much info as I could about them because I wanted them to be prefect for him. A few days before Valentine's Day I randomly asked him which nipple he wanted pierced. He was surprised and proud of me that I was getting them done. The first few days where hard because of the bleeding but he helped me as much as he could. Now I keep looking for a job so I can have the money so I can move in with him.
I am so happy to be his.
We met on fetlife when he posted an add looking for somebody to be his property. I responded to it and he didnt expect me to submit to him or say Im his or anything; he wanted to know about me first. After a while of chatting he let me pick what I would call him; either Sir or Master. I went with Sir because it seemed more fitting seeing as he hasnt collared me but once he does collar me I will call him Master. He was perfectly fine with that.
A few months later; I was PMSing and I got very angry at him for something silly he posted on fetlife. I dont remember the exact words but I called him a lair and said everything he was telling me is bullshit.. He was very surprised I was that mad over something that was nothing and he broke it off with me. I realized my error after the fact and apologized to him telling him I was wrong but I didnt hear anything back from him in over 2 weeks so I figured he didnt want me anymore.
I never fully got over him even though I was talking to a new Dom (the Dom knew this). I was with this new Dom for about a month when my (current) Master emailed me asking if I wanted another chance. I was so happy to hear from him and I wanted to say yes but I figured that it wouldnt be fair to this Dom I was talking to. So I asked the Dom what to do and he said just to reply with no. I asked if he wanted me to delete the email and he also said no.Then it was like fate stepped in; after a failed panty stuffed session that ended with me injured. I thought the Dom left me because I didnt hear from that Dom until 6 days later. I though I disappointed him because I couldnt do the task he wanted me to do. I checked my email everyday to see if the Dom had sent me an email saying he had to travel for work . Everyday the email from my Master was sitting there and after six days I could no longer take it. I hesitantly emailed my Master back telling him that yes I did want him back and I only said no because I was talking to another Dom and the other Dom told me to say no. I told my Master the reason I was talking to another Dom was because I thought he no longer wanted me.
My Master excepted me back but he said he would be more harsh on me and I could no longer use fetlife; which I was fine with. I remember back in late December he told me that I might not hear from him for a week because he had to get eye surgery but we chatted for hours everyday. That was when he brought up about me getting my nipples pierced for him. I asked him how I would do that and he told me to think about it. All I had to think about was a needle and blood. I could feel a panic attack starting. I told my Master about my panic attack and I asked him if it was ok if I made myself some tea. He said sure go ahead make tea and that if I was unable to get my nipple pierced thats fine. He just thought it would be a good idea for me to get. After that he never brought up nipple piercing again.
It was in February when I was thinking of something special I could do for Valentine's Day for him to show to my devotion and how happy I was for him taking me back. I remembered him wanting me to get the nipple piercings. I looked up as much info as I could about them because I wanted them to be prefect for him. A few days before Valentine's Day I randomly asked him which nipple he wanted pierced. He was surprised and proud of me that I was getting them done. The first few days where hard because of the bleeding but he helped me as much as he could. Now I keep looking for a job so I can have the money so I can move in with him.
I am so happy to be his.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Happy slave *squeeee*
Finally had a well needed session with my Master. Happy slave now
Btw back to uploading all my yaoi lps but this time on dailymotion. People have told me that they wont take my videos down. Also running my yaoi blog again. Hopes my Master can help with translating with Hadaka Shitsuji site because my translator button wont work for that site :(
The site that in Japanese and I cant understand a word of it ~ http://madalabo.com/
My yaoi blog ~ http://dustyplayblgames.blogspot.com/
To explain the name I picked, Dusty Manson, its the name of my first dog (Dusty) and my fav overall entertainer ( Marilyn Manson)
~~~~~~~~~
Side note: Even though I only listen to k-pop and Yuya Matsushita doesnt mean I understand much of what they are saying. Im able to pick up a few words but most of the time I just stare at the guys and drool :P
Btw back to uploading all my yaoi lps but this time on dailymotion. People have told me that they wont take my videos down. Also running my yaoi blog again. Hopes my Master can help with translating with Hadaka Shitsuji site because my translator button wont work for that site :(
The site that in Japanese and I cant understand a word of it ~ http://madalabo.com/
My yaoi blog ~ http://dustyplayblgames.blogspot.com/
To explain the name I picked, Dusty Manson, its the name of my first dog (Dusty) and my fav overall entertainer ( Marilyn Manson)
~~~~~~~~~
Side note: Even though I only listen to k-pop and Yuya Matsushita doesnt mean I understand much of what they are saying. Im able to pick up a few words but most of the time I just stare at the guys and drool :P
Zombie attacks...
Cause confusion and apparently so did my last post.
My last post was a rant over me sending my Master a skype message asking him if I was able to make a request for something I wanted to do with him/for him.
Points of confusion:
1. He messaged me back taking about his assignment and he would like it but vanilla people wouldnt... I was like huh and so confused that I thought maybe he was talking to somebody else. That doesnt happen to me often but I have done that in the past. Thats why I had to change my friend's name on my cell; Horace is too close to Home. I thought I was calling Horace to tell him about my ex was talking about wanting to marry me but instead I called home. I was so embarrassed and had to tell my mom not to tell my dad yet.
2. My Master kept telling me to not talk to the teacher about that. I was like huh... talk to the teacher about what?
My original question was if we would be interested in me doing forced lactation because of my fantasy of him having me around me all the time so he can breastfeed whenever he wants to.
My brain tends to work overtime and I tend to over think things a lot and have a zillion ideas in my head at once so the forced lactation was out of my mind because I thought that my Master just ignored my request...
Finally, I think I understood that my Master was confused that I wanted to do the finial paper for English about forced lactation; which if I did he would fail the class because this strange online class is only limited to writing about LA... True I havent been to school in over 10 years; but normally in English classes the students writing about many different topics and ideas instead of just one focused subject. Im having a hard enough in this class because I know nothing about LA and I have to pretend Im Korean; which pretending to be Korean is easier for me because I know more stuff about Korea than I do LA... Also I prefer Korean music, tv, and movies (and the god-like-fine-as-hell-sexy-ass Korean mens) over anything American
And fyi I still have no idea what to do for the final paper because my Master hasnt sent me any feedback yet
My last post was a rant over me sending my Master a skype message asking him if I was able to make a request for something I wanted to do with him/for him.
Points of confusion:
1. He messaged me back taking about his assignment and he would like it but vanilla people wouldnt... I was like huh and so confused that I thought maybe he was talking to somebody else. That doesnt happen to me often but I have done that in the past. Thats why I had to change my friend's name on my cell; Horace is too close to Home. I thought I was calling Horace to tell him about my ex was talking about wanting to marry me but instead I called home. I was so embarrassed and had to tell my mom not to tell my dad yet.
2. My Master kept telling me to not talk to the teacher about that. I was like huh... talk to the teacher about what?
My original question was if we would be interested in me doing forced lactation because of my fantasy of him having me around me all the time so he can breastfeed whenever he wants to.
My brain tends to work overtime and I tend to over think things a lot and have a zillion ideas in my head at once so the forced lactation was out of my mind because I thought that my Master just ignored my request...
Finally, I think I understood that my Master was confused that I wanted to do the finial paper for English about forced lactation; which if I did he would fail the class because this strange online class is only limited to writing about LA... True I havent been to school in over 10 years; but normally in English classes the students writing about many different topics and ideas instead of just one focused subject. Im having a hard enough in this class because I know nothing about LA and I have to pretend Im Korean; which pretending to be Korean is easier for me because I know more stuff about Korea than I do LA... Also I prefer Korean music, tv, and movies (and the god-like-fine-as-hell-sexy-ass Korean mens) over anything American
And fyi I still have no idea what to do for the final paper because my Master hasnt sent me any feedback yet
Friday, July 18, 2014
Fantasies... (unhappy slave)
I have noticed that anytime I bring up any suggestion of something I would like for my Master to do he ignores it. At least I guess he ignores me because he never says anything about it.
Was gonna try to talk to him about forced lactation but I guess a slave's fantasies dont matter no matter how good they can be.
Whatever though, as long as he doesnt ignore me all the time I can deal with it. Though Im starting to feel more like a sweat shop slave than a fuck slave
*********************************
Edit: This is my journal and I was holding my tongue a lot in this post but I figured it would be best if I didnt so I will add a few thoughts no matter what they are...
Im extremely unhappy because all me and my Master ever talk about anymore is his damn English class. If that is all he wants me for then I will start charging him per hour for the work I do. Yes this was talked about before hand but before we used to talk and have regular skype sessions. Before it was like he really wanted to be with me now it just feels like he just wants me to be his lackey so he can get his degree. I do enjoy taking this class but its kinda stressing me out because I feel like I have no time for anything else.
I have heard that Korean men make wonderful lovers and boyfriends but very shitty husbands because they stop paying you any attention. Maybe this is this husband phase of the relationship. Gotta get used to being treated like Im nothing but then I am used to being treated that way
Was gonna try to talk to him about forced lactation but I guess a slave's fantasies dont matter no matter how good they can be.
Whatever though, as long as he doesnt ignore me all the time I can deal with it. Though Im starting to feel more like a sweat shop slave than a fuck slave
*********************************
Edit: This is my journal and I was holding my tongue a lot in this post but I figured it would be best if I didnt so I will add a few thoughts no matter what they are...
Im extremely unhappy because all me and my Master ever talk about anymore is his damn English class. If that is all he wants me for then I will start charging him per hour for the work I do. Yes this was talked about before hand but before we used to talk and have regular skype sessions. Before it was like he really wanted to be with me now it just feels like he just wants me to be his lackey so he can get his degree. I do enjoy taking this class but its kinda stressing me out because I feel like I have no time for anything else.
I have heard that Korean men make wonderful lovers and boyfriends but very shitty husbands because they stop paying you any attention. Maybe this is this husband phase of the relationship. Gotta get used to being treated like Im nothing but then I am used to being treated that way
Monday, July 14, 2014
Bad Bitch
I remember my Master telling me that I had to ask his permission to see naughty pictures. I was bad and did a search for hot Asian men. I found this tumblr link http://asian-men-in-full-nudity.tumblr.com/ and I looked at many pages...
I didnt ask for permission, I did it myself without approval.
Pretty sure I already told my Master but I dont touch myself because I dont get any pleasure out of that. I love being told to masturbate.
Im a huge control freak. As in I love being controlled. Hell my Master can even control my breathing if he wants to.
I remember reading his post in that made me want to respond to him. He did he didnt want his property to think, he would make all the decisions. I have wanted that all my life
I didnt ask for permission, I did it myself without approval.
Pretty sure I already told my Master but I dont touch myself because I dont get any pleasure out of that. I love being told to masturbate.
Im a huge control freak. As in I love being controlled. Hell my Master can even control my breathing if he wants to.
I remember reading his post in that made me want to respond to him. He did he didnt want his property to think, he would make all the decisions. I have wanted that all my life
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Different...
Im different than normal people. It probably has a lot to do with my dad beating me because for the longest time I was scared of men. I thought that if I stood up for myself against a man and told him no he would get very angry and want to kill me.
All my life I wanted lived for other people. Jobs I would do whatever the management told me to do; for relationships I would always ask my boyfriend what he wanted me to do.
I have never felt safe going out alone because of when I was in school; I dont remember when except that is was Valentine's Day, but some guy was following me in his car all the way to my house. I tried running away but he wouldnt leave me alone. My parents ending up calling the cops and I ended up in the hospital
I have been used and abused my whole life and I wanted it but I wasnt happy.
Im glad I decided to go to AnimeUSA 2013 and going to the panel about BDSM & Anime because if I wouldnt have gone to that I would have never found out about fetlife and I would have never found my Master.
At first I wasnt going to join fetlife because I figured that it would be like the other online dating sites where guys just wanted a quickie and didnt care about me. At first fetlife was like that because new subs are bombarded with wanna be doms wanting you to submit to them right away. Yes I may be new to thins but Im not stupid and I probably know more about BDSM than you do.
I have been living this was my whole life, I have always wanted this. I have always wanted to devote my life to pleasing one man. Allowing him to do whatever he wants to me. Wanting him to cause me pain because pain is the only emotion I know. Pain makes me feel alive.
My life has not been good and most people would think I wanted to change it but Im happy with myself. I know whats its like to have nothing. I have only learned to need what is necessary. The only thing I would change is I would always be by my Master side; or at least living with him.
All my life I wanted lived for other people. Jobs I would do whatever the management told me to do; for relationships I would always ask my boyfriend what he wanted me to do.
I have never felt safe going out alone because of when I was in school; I dont remember when except that is was Valentine's Day, but some guy was following me in his car all the way to my house. I tried running away but he wouldnt leave me alone. My parents ending up calling the cops and I ended up in the hospital
I have been used and abused my whole life and I wanted it but I wasnt happy.
Im glad I decided to go to AnimeUSA 2013 and going to the panel about BDSM & Anime because if I wouldnt have gone to that I would have never found out about fetlife and I would have never found my Master.
At first I wasnt going to join fetlife because I figured that it would be like the other online dating sites where guys just wanted a quickie and didnt care about me. At first fetlife was like that because new subs are bombarded with wanna be doms wanting you to submit to them right away. Yes I may be new to thins but Im not stupid and I probably know more about BDSM than you do.
I have been living this was my whole life, I have always wanted this. I have always wanted to devote my life to pleasing one man. Allowing him to do whatever he wants to me. Wanting him to cause me pain because pain is the only emotion I know. Pain makes me feel alive.
My life has not been good and most people would think I wanted to change it but Im happy with myself. I know whats its like to have nothing. I have only learned to need what is necessary. The only thing I would change is I would always be by my Master side; or at least living with him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)